It's annoying.

Lexa and I were talking today about how there's this kinda implicit hierarchy at school that goes

Engineering -> Commerce -> Science -> Music -> Soc Sci -> Humanities

and then within Engineering,
EngSci -> ECE -> Mech -> Chem -> MSE -> Civ -> Indy

God. Shut up about how hard your major is already, engineers. It's not a contest, and in fact, it's ANNOYING. You have no idea how Arts and Science is run and I bet you hardly have an inkling of the many classes that are available at A&S. How many engineers could survive in the pure math (specialist) courses? How many could survive as English or history specialists? How many could survive as biochem specialists?

Shut up about how hard your major is. I find engineers are guilty of this more than anything. If anything, artsies have it harder for the rest of their lives (since it's harder to find jobs as artsies). There. Our lives are harder. Happy?

Whatever happened to studying what you love and what you're interested in? I think it's a shame that people are so blinded by their egos that they can't see outside the box.

In retrospect, I realize that I'm profoundly strong-willed. I have the courage to listen to myself and not to be influenced by my ego or what any other people say - whether it's coming out, leaving engsci, or whatnot. Not to sound cocky, but I have to give myself some credit when it's due.

=) In the last few days I've been feeling like I've been imbued with renewed hope. For the first time in my undergraduate life, I feel like finally, now, I'm in the right place, at least for the time being.

I might not go into physics in the future, or even use physics in my career, but for now, I feel like it is what I should be in. In any case, I think learning about the world around us and the problem solving skills I'll gain will be insightful.

Arts and Science is an incredible faculty. There is no other faculty at the University that offers this unparalleled flexibility. EngSci was restricting in so many ways. In EngSci, the atmosphere was stifling and everyone was thought of as "the same". In the past few days, I've met people in Physics/Math, Commerce/Physics, Biochem/Physics, ... the list goes on. EngSci was also restricting time-wise. Well, I now have a little more free time and can use that to do the things that are more personally important to me.

Arts and Science is the way to go. At least for me, for my undergrad.
For now, I'm in the right place.

Reflection on courses this term...
MAT237 (Multivariable calc) - love it, useful, nuff said

MAT244 (Differential equations) - hate it, but a necessary evil to understand mechanics, I guess. Though I just don't like applied math very much.

PHY224 (Practical Physics) - the computation assignments honestly were not very helpful, but I had the opportunity to be exposed to many physics experiments and that makes me happy

PHY252 (Thermal Physics) - didn't like it at first, but starting to like it because I finally understand what temperature (kind of) is. Some probability involved that makes things interesting.

PHY254 (Mechanics, Oscillations, Chaos) - not that fun but seems to be starting to get fun, what with energy and momentum and all. Hope next year mechanics will be better.

AST221 (Stars and Planets) - dear lord. Whoever said astronomy was easy, clearly has not taken a proper astrophysics course. This course is hard and the concepts are difficult to understand. I was on the verge of dropping it. However, I kept it because astrophysics is a branch of physics, after all, and thought it would be nice to get some exposure to it. Also, astronomy integrates many of the sciences (chem, thermal physics, quantum physics, etc.) and so I got a nice exposure to chem (which I'd totally forgotten about) in it.

Overall - think I took too many many math/science courses this term. Should've enrolled in some humanities. Oh well, there's always next year.

Boo. I was going to do Nanowrimo this month but it's now the 4th and I haven't even signed up on the site. :(

Why do I have to feel like I have to make myself suffer?

Why do I have to feel like, if I'm not taking the "4 year torture program", then my degree is meaningless? Am I just a masochist? (NO, Andrew, NIH!! If you ever read this =P) Why do I feel like I have to take the highest course load, and have to take the hardest courses, etc.? It's not like I took the easiest path or something... (e.g. commerce)

You know what? Life is about more than just going to class...

There are many things that are more important... friends and family, personal growth, health, discovering one's own path...

and that's my task this year... to find my own path...

That's the theme this year for you, Tim: exploration.
Honestly. Take your time. University is a time to explore.
Those EngScis may be cramming in tons and tons of information into their heads every hour, but who's to say that it's beneficial and that it's the "right" way to learn?
You're in Arts and Science now. You gotta get yourself out of that mindset. You gotta get used to the idea of not working at such a high level. What's so good about cramming and competing?
Denise is right. What's the rush? Why can't I complete my degree in 5 years if I wanted to?
Sometimes your standards for yourself are so high, you don't notice that you're suffocating on them when it'd be more worthwhile just to enjoy yourself.
Time flies... don't waste your year...

It's seriously gonna be all right.
Okay?

I know sometimes getting an education seems pointless
but it's not Tim...
it'll be worthwhile. Just remember all the doors that it opens for you.
You gotta have faith.
Everyone goes through these personal crises sometimes... the difference is in how we handle them...
You gotta pull yourself together, keep your head held high...
smile, laugh, love your friends and family and make sure they know it.

My job is amazing. It's just awesome in every way.

After I got my job (which requires a lot of creative writing), I realize that it's too early to restrict myself to any field, discipline, or philosophy.

I'm not like the people who know what they want to do. I'm not somebody who says, "I'm going to be a mechanical engineer/doctor/teacher/lawyer/biologist/musician". I can't be identified like that.

I think I'll find someway to find a career that ties together all my interests. Someday. I just gotta be patient.

I'm in Arts&Science now. I gotta make the best out of it. There's no going back. Forget EngSci; it's overrated. The memories I've made there and the things I've learned there are valuable, but I'm sure I'll make many valuable memories this year too.

Think about it.
Do I regret not going to a private school in HS? No, because it's shaped who I am and it's made me a stronger person.
Do I regret not going to McMaster Health Sciences/Arts and Science? No. I'm glad I didn't go there.
Do I regret not going to Waterloo Software Engineering? No.
Do I regret coming to EngSci 1st year? No.

I haven't done anything I regret so far.
So I shouldn't regret my decision to leave EngSci either.

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i want a kitty

Current Music: In the Club - 2NE1

Alice came to a fork in the road. "Which road do I take?" she asked.
"Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire cat.
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."
~Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland


not related, but
"Loneliness occurs when one builds a wall instead of a bridge"

Don't build walls, my friends =)

One more chain I break
to get me closer to you
One more chain does the maker make
to keep me from bustin' through

One more notch I scratch
to keep me thinkin' of you
One more notch does the maker make
upon my face so blue

One more smile I fake,
n' try my best to be glad
One more smile does the maker make,
because he knows I'm sad